Funny Dialogues From Big Bang Theory

Dr. Sheldon Cooper is a fictional character from the American television series 'The Big Bang Theory' that ran for over ten years.

The character is played by actor Jim Parsons, and even though he may not be a scientist in real life, he is a smart and brilliant actor with a slew of awards to his credit. Nevertheless, his portrayal of the quirky physicist on the show has won all our hearts!

Sheldon is known for his brilliantly sharp mind and idiosyncrasies. His quirky behavior, discomfort in social situations, and a lack of understanding of sarcasm gives him a tough time with people. He is extraordinarily logical which comes at the price of being rude and snobbish to others. Sheldon is the classic nerd, crazy for video games, comic books, and sci-fi TV shows. One of the quintessential Sheldon behaviors is playing pranks, at the completion of which he says "Bazinga!", a catchphrase that appears throughout the series.

If you like this, check out ['Big Bang Theory' quotes] and Ted Mosby quotes.

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Funny Sheldon Cooper Quotes

Here are some of Sheldon's funniest lines that all people of all years can enjoy with their friends at any time! These will always help you get cheered up whenever you are feeling sad.

1. "Good morning everyone and welcome to 'Science and Society'. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, BS, MS, MA, Ph.D., and ScD. OMG, right?"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

2. "No cuts, no buts, no coconuts."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

3. "So, just to clarify, when you say three, do we stand up or do we pee?"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

4. "Cause of Injury: Lack of Adhesive Ducks."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

5. "A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies 'For you, no charge'."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

6. "I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Two, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

7. "Well, if you want to see less of me, maybe we should go out again."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Nine, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

8. "I ordered it before you had surgery. It's the urn I was going to put you in."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Eight, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

9. "I'm exceedingly smart. I graduated college at fourteen. While my brother was getting an STD, I was getting a Ph.D."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Eight, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

10. "I'm Batman! Ssssh!"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Two, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

11. "Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell dad."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Two, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

12. "Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

13. "That was tricky because when it comes to alcohol, she generally means business."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Eight, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

14. "'Not knowing is part of the fun.' Was that the motto of your community college?"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

15. "Leonard: I'm not being weird. Am I being weird?

Sheldon: Yes. And that's coming from me."

- Season Nine, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

16. "Penny: Well, she did soften your life, didn't she?

Sheldon: Yes! She's like the dryer sheets of my heart!"

- Season Nine, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

17. "Leonard: Penny kissed me.

Sheldon: Who would ever guess that?"

- Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

18. "I would have been here sooner but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Five, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

19. "Leonard: I did a bad thing.

Sheldon: Does it affect me?

Leonard: No.

Sheldon: Then suffer in silence."

- Season Six, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

20. "Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.

Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary."

- Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

21. "One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

22. "You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

Sassy Sheldon Cooper Quotes

These smart and sassy Sheldon Cooper quotes are right on point! They will surely be loved by you and your friends.

23. "Bazinga! You never see any of my practical jokes coming, do you?"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

24. "Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?

Sheldon: Yes, it's 'Penny get your own Wi-Fi'; no spaces."

- Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

25. "I'd like to go over some proposed changes to the roommate agreement, specifically to address Penny's annoying personal habits."

- Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

26. "Under normal circumstances I'd say I told you so. But, as I have told you so with such vehemence and frequency already the phrase has lost all meaning. Therefore, I will be replacing it with the phrase, I have informed you thusly."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

27. "I knew she wasn't lead car material."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

28. "But I have been getting better with sarcasm, if you want to give that a try."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Eight, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

29. "Penny, while I subscribe to the 'Many Worlds' theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Eight, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

30. "Leonard: I'm just saying, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Sheldon: You catch even more with manure, what's your point?"

- Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

31. "What computer do you have? And please don't say a white one."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season One, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

32. "As I told you, the hero always peeks."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

33. "Good Morning your honor, Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se - that is to say representing himself."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

34. "Even in my sleep-deprived state, I've managed to pull off another one of my classic pranks. Bazinga!"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Two, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

35. "I can't be impossible; I exist. I think what you meant to say is, 'I give up; he's improbable'."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

36. "Here lie the ashes of Leonard Hofstadter. He thought he was right, but his roommate knew better."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Eight, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

37. "It must be humbling to suck on so many levels."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season One, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

38. "Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season One, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

39. "You mess with the bull, you get the horns."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

40. "The X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-men."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

41. "Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.

Leonard: Then why are you telling me?

Sheldon: It's a conversation starter."

- Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

42. "Howard: I thought you didn't like Facebook any more.

Sheldon: Don't be silly, I'm a fan of anything that tries to replace actual human contact."

- Season Five, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

43. "For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. They could be murderers or the carriers of unusual pathogens."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Two, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

44. "Howard, you know me to be a very smart man. Don't you think if I were wrong, I'd know it?"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

Sheldon Cooper Quotes About Science

These quotes around science show what a genius Sheldon Cooper is!

45. "A hybrid dog and octopus. Man's underwater best friend."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

46. "All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Two, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

47. "Apparently you can't hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

48. "The correct animal for inter-species super soldier is the koala. You would wind up with an army so cute, it couldn't be attacked."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Eight, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

49. "Leonard is attempting to learn why subatomic particles move the way they do."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

50. "Dear esteemed colleagues. As you may know, I have requested to change my field of study. My decision to do so is, I believe, in the best interest of science. At your convenience, I'd be happy to explain it to you in words you'll understand."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Seven, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

51. "You went out in the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal, which brought you 5,000 years into the future, where you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back, to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we are transported to work at the think-a-torium by telepathically controlled flying dolphins?"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

Best Sheldon Cooper Quotes

These classic Sheldon Cooper quotes are something that all fans will love because Sheldon is always right!

52. "You know, I've always wanted to go to a goth nightclub."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

53. "I'm not Sheldon. I'm the Flash. And now I'm going to the Grand Canyon to scream in frustration."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

54. "Frosty is merely a bit of frozen, supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

55. "I'm warm and soothing. I'm like a human bowl of tomato soup."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Eight, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

56. "You may not realize it, but I have difficulty navigating certain aspects of daily life. You know, understanding sarcasm, feigning interest in others, not talking about trains as much as I want. It's exhausting!"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Six, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

57. "More does not equal merry. If there was 2000 people in this apartment right now, would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory,'.

58. "She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could just eat me up."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Two, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

59. "I am a grown man. I am a professional scientist. And I currently occupy the moral high ground."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Seven, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

60. "The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Two, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

61. "No, I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

62. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Will Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Pope Paul V to my Galileo, the Internet Explorer to my Firefox!"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

63. "Sheldon: You know, in difficult moments like this, I often turn to a force greater than myself.

Amy: Religion?

Sheldon: Star Trek."

- Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

64. "Mommy, I love you. Don't let Spock take me to the future!"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Four, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

65. "I always listen to myself. It's one of the great joys of my life."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Six, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

66. "How on earth can you say 'dirty sock' and 'relax' in the same sentence?"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

67. "No, you don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

68. "Do you have any idea what it's like to wait for years and never know if you're finally going to get satisfaction?"

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Seven, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

69. "There's no denying that I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite, but that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Eight, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

70. "Sometimes he gets cranky, but you can trust him with your life. And he does more things for you than I can even begin to list."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Nine, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

71. "This is Leonard. He's your best friend in the world."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Nine, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

72. "When I lost my own father, I didn't have any friends to help me through it. You do."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Eight, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

73. "I'm not crazy; my mother had me tested."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Three, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

74. "Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors."

- Sheldon Cooper, Season Two, 'The Big Bang Theory'.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Sheldon Cooper quotes then why not take a look at Chandler Bing quotes, or Tom Haverford quotes.

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Source: https://kidadl.com/quotes/sheldon-cooper-quotes-that-all-big-bang-theory-fans-will-love

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